I Can Only Look Back at the Memories

I was with my 3 friends, Jane, Alyssa and April, hanging around in our school lobby killing time. It was late in the afternoon and the campus was getting quiet. We were talking about ourteacher who was a terror because she once tried hitting us during our duty in the health center. ASSAULT. Alyssa told her mom about it and said her mom would sue the teacher if she'd get physically assaulted! I told them that my dad had another response when I told him about it. He just asked me if my teacher was old (or around his age) and if she was, then he wouldn't be shocked about it. He could relate. He said people like him and our teacher are really like that and that they would do things (like assault, I believe) just to discipline us. LOL. I agreed a bit.

I didn't talk about my mom, but Alyssa did and she said that my mom would have said the same thing her mom said. I just gave her the "maybe" look and gave it a thought.

My mom passed away 10 years ago.

I didn't know if my mom really would have said the same, that she would be suing my teacher if ever she crosses the line. But my friends told me they were sure she would have done the same.



That's me and my mom on October 20, 1990 in Sabro, Oman.

I was getting a bit sentimental trying to remember instances when my mom tried to defend me when I was a kid. I haven't really talked much about my mom with my friends. And my friends haven't asked me much about her neither. They must have known it would not be a comfortable talk. But today I guess my friends wanted to know.

Alyssa asked me if my mom was like hers: very supportive, kinda hip :), and makes chika with us. Jane and April were keen about my answer, but I was struggling to come up with one (which would only be a yes or no). Jane even joked that my mom and hers would have been close.

I tried to remember her. My mom was always calm. Yes she raised her voice on us, but she never shouted at us. I've never seen nor heard her and my dad fighting. She was sweet and loving. She was the best. And all of these thoughts flooded that I just started to get teary and couldn't stop myself from crying.

Sometimes people would ask me if I miss my mom and I would give them an answer like its a routine, "Yes."

But today was different. I missed her so much. And for the years that I have been (seemingly) repressing these emotions, I can only look back at the memories that bring me closest to her. Stuff we did together, her photos, clothes, videos of her especially when I hear her voice, her scent, and my dreams of her which I wish I would never wake up from.

6 comment/s:

Jared said...

This post reminded me of the novel "FOR ONE MORE DAY" by Mitch Albom. She must be a very good mom. Nice post tinay.

Christina Tan said...

Thanks, Jared. :)

KEN said...

Reading this made me teary-eyed. And I remember my grampa. Same sentiments, Tin. In dreams, I still hope there's a chance that I will see him again.

Rey Michael said...

Sweeet.... T_T

Gnoe_vee said...

wow tinay.. the post is emotionally amazing!
i did not know about this (your mom)..
im sure she's smiling up there, missing you too soo much and is definitely very proud of you right now most especially this coming april 11th ;)

Christina Tan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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